party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
