matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
