apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
