i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
