After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
