I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
