First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
