you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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