Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
