bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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