Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
