I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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