Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
