i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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