i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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