I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
