new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The beer is more important than you right now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize