OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
