Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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