4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
