he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
