I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Non-Jews are for practice
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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