Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
