he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
