bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
