She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
