"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
