I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
