i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
