he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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