highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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