So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
