Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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