? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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