ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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