Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
