Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
