u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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