I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
