I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
