I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
