Can i not drive my cunt home
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
