Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
