My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
