He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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