apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
