Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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