Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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