i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
