the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
