Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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