In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
