we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
