I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
