is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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