Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
