u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
