I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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