woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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