I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
