She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
