We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize