Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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