I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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