I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
