You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sex in a hospital.. check
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
