I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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