i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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