He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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