All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You ruined the universe
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
